I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
