thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
