I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize