My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
