dude i'm inner monologue high
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
