I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
