my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
