Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am midnight drunk by noon
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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