He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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