Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
