he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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