we have officially lost it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
