I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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