I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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