been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
