I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
