this beer tastes like vomit already
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
