I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
