I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
