i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
