So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
