you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
