cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
