I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
