There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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