the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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