You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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