Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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