Your tits are I can't wait for
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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