Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's just like the Real World with babies
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
