he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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