We need to rekindle our bromance
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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