how can u be prego again
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
