"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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