She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
