maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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