forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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