Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
