im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
