That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
