After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
