Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
