Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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