Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
