oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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