I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
