he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
