At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
