The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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