Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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