He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
