yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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