Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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