Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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