Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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