Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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