Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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