I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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