do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
