My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
