Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
