Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
