i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
