You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
