First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
