also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
