Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
