i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
