Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
