The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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