yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
