this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
